


To Love a Monster

by Kenunot



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gore, Violence, monster ken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 15:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12460296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenunot/pseuds/Kenunot
Summary: Touka didn't want to believe that the monster destroying the world around her, was the man she loved.





	To Love a Monster

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write some monster Touken, cause I'm a sucker for tropes where someone can still love a monster, also I wrote this before chapter 146 so sue me.

One of Touka’s favorite stories as a child was  _ Beauty and the Beast _ , she loved it so much she would go weeks having her father to read it over and over again. She used to love the way the despite the beasts ugly outside and at times ugly inside someone was able to love him. But, as she grew older she learned that this wasn’t real, that love really wasn’t all powerful like that. This is because Touka herself was a monster a ghoul, and that the moment anyone learned the truth they wanted to kill her. It started with the old lady who was so kind to her as a child trying to kill her and her brother after she learned the truth, and repeated every time an investigator or meal met her in a dark alley. But, Touka finally understood that story the day Kaneki, the man she loved, turned into a beast

 

   Touka had kissed both her and her child’s life goodbye the moment she ran headfirst into a wall of armed and deadly investigators. She had lost all hope in the moment when the screaming and shaking started. Touka had lived through a fair share of earthquakes but nothing as powerful enough to expose the tunnels to the surface. She heard loud screams and watched as everyone even the investigators were too shaken to continue their commands. 

 

“What the fuck is that?” Touka heard being yelled among the investigators  as they pointed towards the now visible sky. Touka herself looked up in horror at what she saw, it was a huge red and black creature covered in mouths and eyes destroying everything in its path all while it screamed. It was loud and piercing on her ears, and she found herself transfixed by the damage it was doing. 

“Is that a ghoul?” she heard someone cry. Touka herself couldn’t even imagine it being a ghoul, it was too monstrous nothing like the kakuja’s she has heard stories of, this was just pure evil and made her skin crawl. 

 

“Onee-chan!” was the only thing that was able to break her out of her stupor. Touka turned towards the voice feeling her chest untighten at the sight of Hinami safe and sound for the most part.

 

“ I’m so glad you are safe.” Touka smiled slightly gripping onto Hinami. “ How did you get away? Did you take them out?” Touka asked.

 

“ No, Kaneki came back.” Hinami told her biting her lip “ He saved me and told me to run ahead.”

 

“What?!” Touka screeched in shock. Touka felt her heart jolt in worry was he okay, did he survive.

 

“ We need to kill, whatever it is it’s destroying the city.” Touka heard being discussed in the background.

 

“But we are going to get slaughtered it’s too big for us to handle.” Another investigator countered.

 

“We are going to die anyway, if we don’t do anything!” yelled another. “We need to find Special Class Juuzou or someone else of a higher rank to make some type of plan.” It was as if the sound of his name summoned him into the clearing, making Touka shudder and her stomach drop with no Kaneki in sight.

 

“Did you defeat the King?” an investigator asked approaching Juuzou, Touka waited with baited breath for his answer, “I thought I did,” he stated staring up at the sky.

 

“What should we do about the ghouls, we didn’t finish exterminating before that showed up?” an investigator asked.

 

“Just leave them we have something obviously bigger to worry about,” he said calmly his expression not even twitching to show concern or fear. “ Get everyone into position we are going to have to attack it until reinforces can make it,” he ordered.

 

   Touka couldn’t believe her ears and found herself looking back at the sky, she suddenly felt like she was gonna vomit, and prayed to any god out there that it wasn’t Kaneki destroying anything. Touka didn’t want that for him, she didn’t want him to have to live with this guilt, she knew that if this was him it would destroy him. Kaneki was once human, and she knew that he still valued their lives over ghouls no matter who he was fighting for.

 

“We need to go,” Hinami told her pulling her arm lightly. “We need to get the children out of here and safe, we can go deeper into the tunnels and try to find Ayato.” she pressed. Touka nodded letting Hinami lead her away but her eyes never left the monster above.

 

“Do you really think that it could be Kaneki?” Touka voiced to Hinami quietly.

 

“It’s Onii-chan, he would never do something like this,” Hinami replied her voice firm.

 

“Then where do you think he is?” Touka asked.

 

“ I’m sure he is healing, and will catch up with us soon,” Hinami answered with a smile not reaching her eyes.

 

   Yet, as much as Hinami was trying to reassure her, the pain and sickness in her chest had not disappeared, and the pit in her stomach just continued to drop. Touka guided the children and other defenseless ghouls with Hinami’s help further into the tunnels. They didn’t need to go far before they saw a familiar face walking towards them, with a group of goat members behind him.

“Ayato,” Hinami called out to the figure in front of them.

“Hinami, Aneki, what are you doing down here?” Ayato asked confused.

“We were attacked by the CCG, and we had to flee,” Hinami answered causing Ayato’s eyes to almost bulge out of his head.

“Are you being pursued by them?” He asked stepping up his toes to look over the crowd to look for himself.

“No, a huge Kakuja came out of nowhere and has the Dove’s preoccupied.” Touka butted in. “It broke out from the underground.”

“So that’s what the rumbling came from.” Ayato mused more to himself. “ We should retread into the underground city I found. I was coming back to tell Kaneki about it, but I guess it will have to wait.”

“ I should probably try to find Kaneki.” Touka said her voice shaking, as Hinami asked “What did you find?”

“ Just some ghouls kids who didn’t know they were ghouls, but that city was destroyed by something called the Naagaraj, but I could hardly understand them with their slang,” he told her.

“ Kinda like right now,” Touka muttered feeling sicker and sicker.

“ Should we get going then, it’s gonna take us a while to get there.” he told them as he started to lead them forward as Touka  hesitated. “So, have I missed anything since I’ve been gone,” Ayato asked Hinami causing her to giggle.

“What’s so funny?” Ayato stuttered out.

“You should ask Onee-chan” Hinami laughed, causing Touka to blanch and Ayato to stare her down.

“What did you do?” Ayato asked.

Touka just shrugged “ I got married and I’m pregnant.”

“Yeah, right” Ayato laughed before stopping dead silent. “ You are joking right.” he pleaded.

“Nah.” Touka replied giving him a small smile.

“WHAT THE FUCK, WHO!?” Ayato exclaimed in question.

But, Touka didn’t get to answer him as once again their path was blocked by the CCG, causing Touka to feel like she aged 100 years in that moment. Couldn’t she catch a break, Touka just wanted to fall to her knees and cry, when she felt her brother put his hand on her shoulder.

“ Just get out of here okay, just keep moving down the tunnels,” he told her releasing his Kagune. “Just make sure Hinami goes with you and stays safe.” 

“But, Ayato…” Touka whispered, her heart hurting, not again, not another person leaving her.

“We need the girl who is important to that king of yours, we will leave you alone if you give her to us.” said the investigator in the front, he looked to be in his late forties early 50’s with dark black hair a little shorter then her brothers parted in two upside-down Vs.

Touka felt her heart tighten at his request but tried not to react, she didn’t want to get captured she only wanted to find Kaneki.

“Who the hell is that?” Ayato yelled out.

“I don’t really know I was only told to collect someone named Touka. He admitted. “ I just learned to listen to what Nagachika says as he’s usually right about a lot of things.” he shrugged.

“ Like fucking hell, I’m gonna let you take her,” Ayato yelled out to them, causing Touka to bury her face in her hands, the idiot, he could have just said she wasn’t here. Ayato turned to her in that moment. “ So that's who knocked you up,” he said quieter.

“Well, way to expose me, little bro,” Touka said patting his shoulder, her eyes downcast.

“I’m sor…..” Ayato started.

“ Make this easier on us and just come with us.” the investigator spoke walking forward to grab onto Touka’s arm. “ I don’t have time to deal with ghouls when everyone is in danger,” he said.

“Don’t touch me.” Touka glared pulling her arm away from him, only to have the investigator grab onto it again.

   Ayato was about to step in when the loud sounds of flip-flops came down the hall, revealing a man dressed eerily like a scarecrow.

“ Nagachika.” the investigator greeted, to which the man nodded in response, before pulling out a notepad and scribbling something down very quickly before turning it towards them to see.

“Is that any way to treat a lady Marude-san.” it read in simple Hiragana, causing the man to stutter and let Touka go“ I was just doing as you asked.” 

The man Nagachika ignored him continuing to write in his notepad. It took him a few minutes before he finally turned it directly at Touka.

“ It’s been a while Touka-chan, I’m probably not as handsome as you remember, or as loud.” it read as the man rubbed the back of his head.

“Hide?” Touka questioned, to which the man answered with a simple thumbs up, Touka looked down at her hands confused that the man trying to take her was Kaneki’s best friend. She couldn’t imagine ever doing this type of thing to Yoriko if the roles were reversed.

“ Why are you trying to capture me, if you used to be friends with Kaneki?” she asked confused as Hide stood frozen in front of her for a few moments before shaking his head frantically writing as fast as he could on the notepad.

“Capture is a bad word, I’m not capturing you I’m trying to get you to help Kaneki, and everyone else in Tokyo.” he wrote.

“What do you mean, is Kaneki hurt?” she questioned concerned. “Please take me to him.” she added grabbing on to Hide’s arm.

Hide looke down at her before he started to  write pausing often as he thought of what to say, and what he wrote shook Touka to the core.

“I’m sure he is injured, but the real reason I came to find you, is because the monster above ground is Kaneki.” 

   Touka felt the bile rise in  her throat, the thought of Kaneki who vowed and abstained from killing humans becoming a mass murder made her feel sick. It felt like a sick joke, and she didn’t want to believe it, even though she knew deep down this whole time it was true.

“But, Kaneki wouldn’t hurt a human, let alone thousands.” Touka pushed hoping that this was a misunderstanding. Hide sighed for a moment and through his mask, she could tell he was looking at her sadly. She felt the tear well up in her eyes as she watched him write.

“ I’ve been keeping tabs on Kaneki this whole time, I’ve made enough connections to know pretty much everything. I know he married you, and you're pregnant, congrats on that by the way. But, I know for a fact that it’s Kaneki because not only do I know that what Kaneki craves the most in life is love and family, but he’s also screaming your name up there trying to find you.” He told her. “You were attacked, and Kaneki probably got injured and had your possible death rubbed in his face by Furuta so he created that thing to try to keep you safe, but it can’t find you.” Hide paused for a moment to turn the page and keep writing.

“ I’m hoping that if he sees you he will calm down and stop destroying Tokyo and all the groundwork I’ve made for him,” he added.

“What groundwork?” she asked.

“ To get enough justice served, to where I can have a coffee with my best friend without having to worry about consequences,” he answered. “We don’t have much time for me to explain further, but I will someday if you help me save him.” he reached his hand out towards her.

   Touka didn’t hesitate “Take me to him.” she told him grabbing his hand to let him lead the way. Touka ignored the calls of Ayato and Hina as the investigators who stopped them quickly followed after them leaving them alone.They quickly made their way to the surface where Touka got her first look at the devastation Kaneki was causing skyscrapers were toppled, cars were flipped, and so much blood Touka even felt sick from it. All Touka could hear was his screams, and those of his countless victims ringing in her ears. It wasn’t like there was no one trying to stop him, there were helicopters surrounding him shooting at him, and investigators attacking him below, doing nothing more than making him angrier and lashing out worse.

“Nagachika what should we do, he’s destroying everything,” Marude yelled out. Hide turned quickly scribbling before turning it to Marude.

“ Just get everyone to stop attacking and get them out of the area,” it said causing Marude to huff and rub his forehead.

“You say that like it’s easy,” he replied, at which Hide just shrugged. Marude turned towards the ex-investigators “ You heard him we have to go convince everyone to leave the scary monster destroying the city alone.” before walking right into the carnage.

“ This is all my fault,” Touka whispered her eyes prickling as she started to cry. This was her fault she should not have let Kaneki lean on her too much, she should have kept her distance. She never wanted to burden him, and know because of her he’s become the killer he never wanted to be. He doesn’t deserve her, she should just disappear once she knows he’s better to save him from any more pain. Touka’s line of thought was disrupted by Hide placing both hands firmly on her shoulders staring at her as intently as he could from behind that silly mask.

“No Touka, his fault. He loves you, just wanted you safe bad execution.” he slurred out firmly ignoring his notepad. 

“But, if I wasn’t a burden, if I was stronger he wouldn’t have to do this. He shouldn’t have even been here, I didn’t want this for him.” she cried out. Hide put his hand out wiping her tears away.

“ You make him happy, you gave him the family he always wanted. He would be shitty if he didn’t want to save that, you always put the people you love first” he told her. “ Don’t forget that, and stop crying, I don’t know how to handle  pretty girl crying.” he added giving her a moment to calm down. “Are you ready to go now?” he asked to which Touka nodded.

Hide walked in front of her as she quickly followed behind him examining his every move, just confused by his whole get up, so different from the last time she saw im

Touka quickly followed behind him, a question just on the tip of her tongue.

“Hide why do you wear that mask if you're not a ghoul?” Touka asked as she caught up to him.

“ The things you do to protect someone you love, leave lasting scars,” he said taping the mouth of his mask.

“ So, Kaneki ate you,” Touka deadpanned. “Is that how he was able to survive?” Touka inquired.

Hide just shrugged. “He was really injured by the time I found him and he took a good chunk out of my face and neck, but I already struck a deal with Arima Kishou, that he would be allowed to live if Kaneki would take Arima’s place as the One-Eyed King and I would help Kaneki reach Arima’s goal,” he told her.

“What did Arima want him to do?” Touka asked.

“Well, Kaneki is nowhere near what Arima wanted goal wise, but we really don’t have any more time to be wasting with questions so please refrain until later,” he told her moving quickly ahead, which Touka followed closely behind.

“Why do you think he went above ground?” Touka asked him as they made their way closer to where Kaneki was currently squirming around..

“ Maybe he just got too big and isn’t in the right mind to think you would still be in the tunnels.” Hide answered as they finally tracked Kaneki to the highest building still standing from his rampage. 

Touka looked at him with pure sadness, she didn’t realize it from far away, but the closer she got the more she realized that he wasn’t rampaging out of pure anger. All of the eyes on his Kakuja were crying, and she could actually hear him calling out for her as his eyes scanned the area. She felt overcome with guilt as she watched him, this is what she had done to him, and she wouldn’t blame him if he never forgave her. Touka quickly pulled her hand to her mouth cupping them to amplify her voice in hopes that he would hear her.

“ Hey Kaneki, you're destroying prime real estate for my next coffee shop!” she yelled up at him causing all of the eyes to stop and zone in on her. 

“ Gosh dang Kaneki, I told you your arms are cute, so you make your whole self-look like them, you really know the way to a girls heart.” she laughed up at him in a lame attempt to slice the tension she felt. Kaneki quickly scurried over to her abandoning the building he was sitting on to wrap himself around her as if he was trying to protect her from the whole world.

“ You're like a loyal dog with a mean streak you know that,” she said reaching out to touch his large face. “Except you look like a bug, you're lucky I’m not scared of them like most girls or I would be running so fast,” she told him, to which he sighed nuzzling into her gently.

Touka felt herself start to cry again, she was never one to cry, she was tough life made her that way, but Kaneki always managed to make her feel weak.

“ Thank you for protecting me, you were able to get the CCG away from me with the big reveal of yours. You really saved me,” she said placing her forehead against his.

“ I love you so much,” she whispered giving the Kakuja a small kiss. “ I’m safe now, we are safe now, do you think you can come back to me,” she asked. 

But, he made no movements to remove himself from the Kakuja, which worried Touka a lot.

“ Are you stuck?” Touka asked examining him for any sign of her husband being exposed to the outside, before spotting a puff of white hair radiating from the red and black husk right in front of her. 

Touka reached up and slowly pulled to release him from the kakuja without hurting him. Touka was able to easily get him out even in her weakened state he was so light, causing her to ache at his poor health. Touka gently placed him on the ground, truly seeing how out of it he really was he wasn’t conscious throughout the whole time Touka was removing him and all Touka could do was let him rest on her lap as she stroked his hair.

He looked so innocent in that moment, as if he didn’t just go on a destructive rampage, and was finally getting the sleep he so desperately needed. He was so frail, and Touka couldn’t stop crying over him, she knew that the moment he wakes up he wouldn’t be the same man, he had finally fallen and it was all her fault. Hide had kept his distance the whole time and at the sight of Kaneki being unconscious he had finally moved closer to them watching Kaneki over her shoulder. Though he wasn’t just staring at him, he was also staring intently at the kakuja that still hadn’t dissolved like Kagunes usually do. Touka heard Hide mutter “So this is what he wanted, just like the original.” but it just blew right past Touka with what he meant by those words.

“ He looks like shit.” Hide told her honestly causing her to laugh through her tears. “ He’s such a man-child at times, he acts so responsible but he would forget basic human functions if nobody reminded him.” He huffed, causing Touka to laugh harder. “You're right about that.” she admitted though regretted it when Kaneki jolted in her arms.

  Kaneki woke up his eyes dazed and confused for a moment before they locked onto her face.

“Touka,” he whispered as if he was trying to figure out if she was real or not before he suddenly sat up surveying the area frantically his rising and falling rapidly until he vomited on the pavement next to her moving away from her as quickly as he could. Her and Hide could only watch him silently as he pulled at his hair and starting to scream heartbroken sobs, and Touka just wanted to join him, but she knew she couldn’t, she had to be strong for him right now.

“ Kaneki, it’s gonna be okay, you were not in your right mind,” she told him placing her hand on his shoulder. 

He just kept screaming and pulling at his hair  and scratching at his face, every single sob he made stabbing her in the chest. Touka knew that he wouldn’t be able to listen to her, so she did the only thing she could and that was to stop him from harming himself. Touka pulled his hands and held them tightly in her hands not letting him hurt himself further. 

She looked him right in the eyes and told him “ You are not a monster, and I swear to god if you are thinking that I am gonna kick your ass.” she cried pulling him into a hug. “ You are so much more than this Kaneki, this mistake doesn’t define you,” she whispered kissing his cheek. “ We are all safe thanks to you,” she whispered giving him another kiss. 

Touka just kept on whispering things to him, like how much she loved him, how thankful she was for him keeping them safe, over, and over again until his screams and crying stopped and he slumped in her arms, too tired to continue. Touka looked up at Hide who was still lingering close by just watching them, Hide placed his fingers to his lips pointing at Kaneki. Touka watched as he pulled the notepad back from his robes and started to write.

“ I’m sorry for not helping, but I did not want to overwhelm him more than he already is, considering he thinks I’m dead,” it said. Touka nodded at him showing that she understood what he wrote.

“ I’m gonna do my best to cover this up, so nobody will know he did it.” he continued. “ You are going to need a new place to stay after this right, you can bring yourself and the rest of the ghouls who survived to my hideout.”

“ Where is it?” Touka started to whisper before Hide handed her a piece of paper with an address on it.

“ It’s gonna be better this time, I’m gonna help him and I will take a majority of his burden this time. I won't let him destroy himself again.” he wrote.

“Why would you do that?” Touka asked shocked at his admission.

“ Because I love him, just like you Touka,” he told her.

“ And I hope we can make the world a better place, so maybe he can finally rest,” he told her the emotion clear in his voice.

“I can lead you there.” he told her. “Do you want me to carry him?” 

“No I got him.” she answered as she lifted him up carry him bridal style much like he did for her years ago. Her and Hide walked side by side, and while she knew nothing would ever be the same, she still found herself dreaming of a happily ever after for her and her beast no matter how unlikely it seemed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it, if you did please comment or leave a kudos.  
> If you want you can also follow me on twitter and tumblr if you wan't to talk  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kentasticabs)  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kenunotwrite)  
> 


End file.
